As I said previous this one is dangerous for me. I pulled out some paper and I gave my depression a voice and wrote down what it said. The pain still brings tears to my eyes. I don't know how to negate what it said or turn it around and say nice things about myself as I can't think of anything nice to say. I was hoping my DH would be able to help me but instead of turning them around he simply had responses that mainly consisted of "Bull S**t" There were some that had more to them than that but I don't think we were able to do what FLYLady expected. I don't know what to do with this list right now. I know reading it will bring me to tears but I don't know that throwing it away is what I need to do at this time. I just wish I could declutter the depression out of my life as easily as I can declutter the stuff out of my life and even that isn't easy. At this point all I can do is shut up the negative things... Remember what your mama said: If ya can't say anything nice don't say anything at all.
I think I may have kicked the Farmville habit for a little while. I have both farms to the point where I don't have crops withering in the plots so i can leave them alone without guilt. I managed to get my MR and ER done and managed to reboot the laundry and the dishes. Sink is shiny and I was dressed to the shoes. I think I know part of my problem. I have been trying to clean without sound. No music or podcasts. I think that needs to change... we will see what we can do tomorrow.
Tomorrow is bill pay day. have Mortgage and a Home Improvement loan to pay on and unfortunately having been laid off I can only pay one of them. Unless DH got a decent bonus that is. The unemployment bennies have been somewhat irregular in showing up in the acct thus far so I am afraid to count on it showing up when we need it. Life is about to get very tight financially. The bills have to be paid. I need to get off my franny and get out there and sell Avon. Staying around the house is only making me miserable especially since I can't seem to get the house clean all in one fell swoop.
No comments:
Post a Comment