Well it took way too long to finish my morn ritual yesterday and because I didn't work my blog last night its going to do the same today. And yes I was right. Difficult to walk after the previous night's excursion. Blister deep in the pad of the ball of my foot hurts and ankles hurt. I am so frustrated at myself. And that of course only makes the depression worse. But I can't let go of it. Yesterday was supposed to be Day 5 and I can't do that day's assignment without my DH close. I need him there when I finally give voice (words) to all the negativity in my soul. Doing that is dangerious to me mentally and I need him there specially since I don't know how to turn some of it around into something good. All I can think is that its all justified. Why would I think it if its not true. And when I go over why the depression gets deeper near suicidal. A few months ago I had a talk with myself and God stepped in. He lifted me up and at that point it was then I decided don't give voice to the negativity because doing so gives it the ability to harm me more. (Can you imagine dealing with this incident where you have to maintain composure while you deal with customers coming and going from your convenience store almost constantly) I need to find that piece of paper where I wrote it all down and go over it all again. Perhaps post here. I hope I haven't accidentally thrown it away.
Lets see what I got done vs what I didn't get done. The latter is longer than the former I wll tell ya that right now. I got my MR done but none of my daily chores, not the day 5 assignment and not my ER. I left a couple of items in my shiny sink. Mission assignment was Zone1. Well I dont have a dining room and my entrance is a part of my living room so that leaves the front porch. I can do that. I went and grabbed my hose and spray nozzle and sprayed off the front porch of all debris. It looks much better now I just need to take the old broken chairs to the trash. I also need to take some time and plant bulbs in those pots out front... I also took this time to have fun with water and semi torment my dog (thus the pic above) You see she gets underfoot in the house and needs to go outside. It was 96 deg outside yesterday and she is a white husky who is still trying desperately to ditch her winter coat. So I took the hose and chased her around the yard with the water. I managed to get hold of her tie out and thoroughly soak her fur to the skin. The pic above is after she shook it out getting me wet too LOL.
Well its 10:46am and I still haven't hardly done my MR yet today. Hubby has already called and told me its ok if thats all I get done. I need to hear that. Even tho my Motivation Ctr says it I still need to hear it.
No comments:
Post a Comment